


Medicine

by nehmesis



Category: MorMor - Fandom, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Couple, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 06:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2537300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nehmesis/pseuds/nehmesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim returns home and tries to find Sebastian. But Sebastian has fixed his life and doesn't want anything to do with him. Will he give up so easily?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

The melancholic man dressed in black slowly gets out of the cab with his body shaking a bit in anxiety, not yet ready to live the moment he’s been waiting for and planning the past three years. He gives a deep, sharp sigh and starts walking to the house at the end of the street. As he still finds his and his worker’s names whole on the doorbell, he begins to feel relief, guessing that Sebastian didn’t take him out of his life completely. He dares to slowly press the doorbell, with a tiny glimpse of hope that the man won’t hear it.  
And nobody responds.  
Put yourself together, Jim, he thinks. Do it, it’s- it’s just Sebastian.  
This time he presses it hard, hearing its sound echoing around the flat before he lets go of it.  
Silence.  
“For fuck’s sake Sebastian, open the goddamn door!” he shouts, pressing the doorbell again and again.  
“Are you alright sir?”  
Jim turns around quickly to look at a middle-aged man standing near him. He’s quite short with grey hair and an oversized jumper, which reminds Jim of John Watson’s terrible taste. He recognizes the face easily, yes; it’s the man who works on the local bookstore.  
“Everything’s fine” Jim responds, his voice thicker and his shades placed closer to his nose so he cannot be recognized. “Maybe you happen to know where the man who lives here, Mr. Moran, Sebastian Moran is.”  
“Sebastian Moran? That fella moved out two years ago, sir”.  
Jim blinks a few times, trying to push this new information into his brain. Moved out? Two years ago? That means only a year after Jim’s ‘death’. Was the loss so big and unbearable he just had to move out? Jim likes to think it this way. But, in the same time, he doesn’t.  
“Oh. And do you know where I can find him?”  
“I can’t help you with that. You have to ask people close to him”.  
“Thanks” Jim says after a while and starts walking across the road, thinking about places Sebastian could have moved to. What comes out of this is nothing, as Sebastian had told few things to Jim about his social life, and had never shown any sign of interest for any other place except for London.  
So what if he still is in London?  
Where would I be if I was Sebastian? Jim walks down the road, searching for shops his worker used to like hanging out to or searching for familiar faces he used to talk to. He recognizes a cigarette shop Sebastian would go to and gets in. The suffocated smell of smoke strokes him right in the nose and he wrinkles in disgust. As he walks to the cashier, he can’t help but notice that the man behind it is looking at him with a ridiculously respectful look on his face.  
“Mr. Moriarty” he says, doing a small bow.  
Shit. He recognized me.  
“It’s been a long time since I last saw you in there, with Moran of course”.  
“Yes, speaking of him, do you know where he is?”  
“Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t you know?”  
“Know what exactly?”  
“Sebastian Moran is dead. He passed away half a year ago”.  
Jim’s visual field slowly turns to red and he has to hold on to the nearest wall to avoid falling. Sebastian… dead? This strong, independent man? The only man Jim ever felt some kind of admiration for?  
The cashier brings him a glass of water and helps him regain his balance and stand like a normal person. Jim’s only thought is that his good, incorruptible front has been damaged, making him look more vulnerable now that he returned. This wasn’t supposed to happen.  
He pushes the man away. “I’m fine. It’s just that it was sudden”.  
He feels the muscles of his face shaking as he tries to keep it together and hopes that the man isn’t able to notice it. Crying is a state he has to be in more than 25 years now. He feels strange as he brings this feeling back, but still pushes himself to stay strong.  
“Are you sure it’s alright, sir?”  
“Perfectly”.  
Jim rushes out of the shop and with shaking legs he finds a bench to sit on, his head in his arms. He takes deep, slow breaths and realizes that one person’s theory only doesn’t matter. He has to confirm it from trusty sources only. As this sudden hope lights him up, he stands up quickly, searching the streets for face he knows or has seen Sebastian around. Until he finds it: Sebastian’s favorite tea shop.  
He pushes himself to be calm and restrained as he gets in and sits on a table at the corner of it; he doesn’t want to cause attention in a public place, especially now that the whole England knows him. Be cautious, he says to himself. Be polite.  
The waitress arrives to his table with a slight smile on her face, not recognizing him, and waits for an order. Since Jim is not as fond of tea as his worker, he has a hard time to think of a flavor he would actually like.  
“Your finest tea” he finally says.  
The waitress smiles.  
“And actually” he continues with a Swedish accent, “I’d like to ask a question. Have you heard of Sebastian Moran lately?”  
The empty disk falls from the girl’s hands and some clients turn to look at her, as the peace of the tea ship has now been perturbed.  
“Jim Moriarty” she says startled, not even bothering to pick the disk up.  
Crap.  
She just keeps looking at him weirdly, like she expected him to come but didn’t at the same time. Waitress. Engaged. Reads a lot. Owns two dogs. Poor. Why can’t he deduct anything about Sebastian?  
“Sebastian has… died, I thought you already knew”.  
“Oh”. That’s the second time that day Jim feels the small urge to cry. Still, he tries to act harsh. Is he really dead? There’s still some doubt in his mind. He has to be sure before he lets his inner weakness be seen.  
“And how did he die, exactly?”  
“Suicide, sir”.  
This word tears Jim’s heart apart. So Sebastian loved him. So it was because of him.  
For fuck’s sake, Sebastian. You weren’t brave when I needed you to.  
“Hm” Jim just says and slowly gets up and out of the shop. He hears some whispers behind him; he must have been recognized.  
As soon as he gets out his legs start to abandon him again, forcing him to sit down on the sidewalk and he finally has some times to sort things out on his mind, split the right from the false information. If they actually lie, why would they? Why would they tell him that Sebastian, a dear face to him is dead? So he cannot look for him, so that he gives up and lives his own life. And why would Sebastian not want Jim into his life? What happened? Did he get bored? As far as Jim knows, himself is the most interesting person he’s ever been near. What could have possibly happened to Sebastian to fake his own death, only for Jim?  
Oh. Oh?  
Angry. That’s what Sebastian is! Jim’s mind can fully understand that his worker feels anger. No one was ever angry with Jim before. Jim was angry with people, not people with Jim. They didn’t dare. But Sebastian dares. He always did.  
The man stands up and starts asking every single person he finds on the street for Sebastian, not care if he’s going to be recognized, he is determined. And if Jim is determined, well, good luck to whom or what will ever stand on his way. As he walks down the road, more and more people seem to have heard of Moran, but all of them don’t know him well enough to have knowledge of where he lives. So Jim just walks and walks down the streets of London, checking every flat and every detached house until he finds Sebastian. He is intent upon finding him.  
At about six, he decides to go through one last street, because his legs and his stomach start to protest. His eyes are pretty confused from all these names he’s read and everything seems kind of blurry. He arrives in front of the flat with the number 8 outside it and checks the names on the doorbell as carefully as his eyes allow him. Simon McEwan, Jonathan and Layla Hayes, Sebastian Moran, Hugh James and Ethan Murray…  
Wait. What!?  
He rereads the names multiple times until he’s sure he found Sebastian’s among them. Sebastian Moran.  
He takes a slow, deep breath and presses it, looking forward to hearing Sebastian’s deep and manly voice once again after three endless years. But what he actually hears is exactly the opposite of what he’s expecting.  
“Yes?”  
It’s the voice of a woman. The soft, delicate, feminine voice of a woman.


	2. Chapter Two

Jim tries to speak but no voice comes out of his lips, then he coughs and adopts a French accent, trying to be in complete control of himself again.   
“Yes, hello, I am looking for monsieur Sebastiàn Moràn”.  
“Oh. Wait a second”. Jim guesses, hopes, that the woman calls Sebastian. He tries to think of an excuse to make, but the door just opens before he can say something. Jim takes cautious steps to the elevator, not knowing what to expect. When the doors open, he sees the form of a woman, who recognizes him despite the fact that he’s skinnier, his face is more tired and that he’s wearing shades. The woman stops and looks at him for a while, seeming like she doesn’t know whether to run or walk out.   
“Are you looking for Seb? You can’t go up; if he sees you he’ll-”  
“Seb?” Jim frowns.  
Who is she to call him Seb? Only I call him Seb.  
“You can’t be here. You can’t let him see you. Not in this condition he’s in”.  
“I don’t care about his condition” Jim says calmly, ignoring the blood pumping through his veins. “And who are you to give me orders?”  
“I’m Sebastian’s… fiancé” she says on a shivering tone that shows Jim she’s afraid.   
“His fiancé then” he replies, not yet losing his calmness even though he wants so much to. “I see”.  
He observes her carefully, and notices that she is a beautiful, delicate woman. Her face has something psychopathic, something creepy, that reminds Jim of himself. But the similarities don’t stop here. Sebastian’s fiancé is wearing pretty much a suit similar to Jim’s , a black one, with a tie and all, and a long black coat that makes Jim look at his multiple times to make sure he isn’t wearing the same one. At last, he walks past her like she’s not even there and gets in the elevator, simple as that. He also has the pleasure to look at her confused expression before he gives the order to go to the 3rd floor.   
When he arrives, he finally has the courage to face Sebastian, because now the roles are reversed, Jim is furious with him. Yes, he is, because he and Sebastian were ready to get engaged and now Jim returns to find the place he waited so much to be into taken. He walks up to Sebastian’s apartment and presses the doorbell hard, ready to face him more than ever in these three years. The door opens slowly.  
Sebastian looks completely bemused at Jim, and Jim just stands there, staring at the man who’s only in his underwear and a simple grey t-shirt. He notices that he hasn’t changed a lot, it’s only the wrinkles that start to form on his face, and they give him a more mature look.  
Jim takes his shades off. “Sebastian”.  
Sebastian’s coffee cup falls from his hand and scatters into pieces when it falls down. He doesn’t even bother to look at it and Jim guesses that he’d prefer to have it wasted by throwing it on his face.   
Shock or anger? What is Sebastian really feeling right now? Is he glad that he saw Jim again or angry because he dumped him in such way? He tries to deduce him, but nothing comes out of it. He never could ‘read’ him, because he knows very well how to hide from Jim’s deduction skills.  
The woman had a point, though. There’s really something going on with Sebastian.  
“Are.you.fucking.kidding.me?” Sebastian has a hard time to say. His voice sounds strained and makes Jim frown.   
“I’m not here to joke” Jim responds seriously. “I’m here to take you back”.  
Sebastian laughs. “Take me back? And what if I don’t want to join you?”  
Wait. What!? Did he just say he doesn’t need me!? Everyone needs Jim! Nobody ever says no to Jim!  
“I saw your fiancé downstairs” he says, trying to hide his frustration. “I can’t say you could’ve done better, because you literally engaged a female version of me”.  
He frowns. “When will your egomania stop, James!?”  
He’s angry. Is it okay if I push it a bit more?  
“Why can’t you just admit you want me to fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness? That you just want to make me pay!?”  
“Yes, I want you to pay! Because I paid! I spent countless and pointless hours sitting next to your ‘grave’, crying and praying for the first time of my life just for you to be alive!”  
These words coming out from Sebastian’s mouth make Jim tear up. “I am, I am alive”.  
“You’re just a fucking trickster. I still don’t know how I could ever…”  
Was he going to say what I think he was going to say?  
“How could you ever what?”  
The man looks away.  
“How could you ever what, Sebastian?”  
“Just go”.  
“See? You don’t have the guts”.   
“Get out of my house”.  
“Well, technically, I’m not in your house-”  
“Just for one fucking time, do as you are told and GET.THE FUCK.OUT OF HERE!”  
Sebastian’s voice echoes on the whole floor and Jim just looks at him outraged when he realizes his pride is more important than Sebastian’s forgiveness. He realizes that he doesn’t need him to be completed, that he’s a piece of the puzzle he has got to leave behind. The roles are going to be reversed this time.   
Jim was always known for his cruelty and stiffness. He proves everyone right for one more time by simply turning around and starting to walk –run- to the elevator, leaving Sebastian to just stand there until he’s gone.

~

Fuck you, Jim.  
That’s everything Sebastian thinks as he picks up the pieces from the floor. How dare he come back after 3 years and demand me back!? He didn’t even apologize, didn’t even seem to have regretted what he did! How come he faces me like nothing changed!?   
Deep inside him, Sebastian is somehow glad Jim came back and straight to him that just head back to his normal life and rebuilt his empire. He is relieved that his ex-boss tried to regain his old life before minding the business, just glad that Jim actually put him before work. But he’s still wondering how all that egomania and selfishness can fit in such a small body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked that chapter! More surprises are to come ;D


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Sebastian meet up again -accidentally after a week, but Jim seems different.

“Keep the rest”. Marzia gets out of the cab and opens the door to her flat with a hurry. She can’t wait for the elevator so she quickly climbs up the stairs instead, as fast as she can. Once she arrives, she runs at the end of the hall and with anxiously trembling hands she turns her key to the lock, hoping that everything inside the apartment will be just the way it was when she left.  
But nope.  
Everything seems to be untouched except for the living room. Pillows are thrown here are there, the vases are scattered pieces on the floor and generally there’s chaos prevailing inside the small living room.  
“Sebastian?” Marzia takes cautious steps inside, afraid of breaking anything else.  
No trace of Sebastian and she moves deeper into the apartment, calls out his name again but gets no answer. He’s neither in the kitchen, nor in the bedroom. When she knocks on the bathroom’s door, she thinks she can hear slow, steady breathing which stops after the person inside realizes there’s somebody out.  
“Sebastian?”  
The breathing starts again. “I’m fine”.  
“Can I come in?”  
“I’d rather if you didn’t”.  
“Just get out of there soon, will you?”  
“I’ll try”.  
She sighs and goes to the kitchen to make some dinner. Frozen pizza again. Who’s gonna clean his mess up? Someone needs to get Jim out of the way.

~

Sebastian stays up most of the night, looking thoughtfully at the half empty bottle of whiskey in front of him. He couldn’t help but drink again. Just for once, he thinks, like he’d think three years ago. Just one bottle and he’d be better.  
His only solution for Jim not to find him was to fake his death, he learnt that trick from him. Sooner or later, he would come straight back to Sebastian, it’s just that it was too soon.   
The dark living room looks like a small hell in Sebastian’s mind. Everything looked like hell that night. That’s why he needed the drink. It was like everything changed to bad in that small amount of time, that he wouldn’t ever be the same without Jim. It was like he came back into his life just to bend him, to weaken him.   
He pushes the bottle away, refusing to drink more in fear of being called an alcoholic again. That ended, he says to himself. That was two years ago. Let go of it.   
After a week, Sebastian seems to somehow be getting pieces back together. Jim’s thought is no longer ruling into his head, but hidden n the back of it just like a bad memory. His anger started to calm, though. He feels kind of sorry for him, not having Sebastian in his life to guide him and offer him company. Or maybe Sebastian just thinks too big of himself? What if he learnt to live without Sebastian? What if he moved away, far away from here, and got himself a nice place and a new boyfriend? What if? All these questions bother his mind and don’t let him drink his morning coffee.  
“You will go to but me some cigarettes, won’t ya?” he asks his fiancé as he sees her walking in the kitchen, still not dressed.   
“I’ll be late for work love, if you really want ‘em you’ll go get ‘em on your own” she replies while she sits down and drinks a sip from Sebastian’s hazelnut flavored coffee. “Besides, you know I can’t stand the smell”.   
Seb has a quick flashback, and then gives a small sigh and slightly smiles. It’s that he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen if he and Jim meet up again on the street. It’s been almost a week. Is the man here or did he leave? And the biggest problem is that Sebastian doesn’t know which option he prefers.   
Once Marzia is finished with her breakfast, Sebastian gets up as well and looks at his reflection on the mirror to make sure that every last detail on his appearance is perfect before he is released to the public. That’s a very strong characteristic of his; he always wanted to look perfect in the eyes of others while knowing that he wasn’t even close in being that.   
When he gets out, a cold heat of air makes him shiver slightly, and he starts to walk down the street while looking every building as he always does. He arrives at the cigarette shop and once he gets in the waves at the girl on the cash.   
“Same as always, ay?”  
“You know it”  
The man who stands before Sebastian turns around abruptly and looks at him for a single second, a man who looks unbelievably like Jim. This can’t be him, Sebastian thinks. Jim never wears denims. Jim always puts his shirt inside his pants. Jim is not that skinny. Jim doesn’t even smoke!  
“Two packs. Richmond” he says, and Sebastian recognizes his voice.  
“Jim?”  
“Hurry!”  
The girl gives him his cigarettes and takes the money, then Jim just walks out of the store like Seb wasn’t even there, but also with a slight but visible disorder.   
What the fuck? What was that? Who was that?   
Was it really Jim? How was it even possible that he lost about 6 kg in seven days? He seemed too little, too vulnerable on his own. What the hell happened? Why is everything, always Sebastian’s fault? Why can’t they all just let him be!?  
Fuck everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's going on with Jim?

Thank God that Marzia isn’t here to see him. Thank God that she isn’t here to see him throw his jacket down and then start kicking the door multiple times. His anger issues are starting to come to the surface again, for the second time since Jim came back. It was unbelievable how these issues had to occur for three years, just after Jim’s fake suicide, and now he comes back just to make Sebastian seem like a bad person.  
He slowly makes him hate himself.  
Sebastian rests his head on the door and tries to figure out in his mind if he wants Jim back or if he wants him away from his life. Forgive or forget? It might not be his choice this time, after Jim’s strange behavior. Jim might have decided to forget.  
Isn’t it better that way? Why is Sebastian still not pleased? Why does he need pleading? Why does he need to see Jim falling on his knees and begging him for forgiveness? Because he demands too much.  
When Marzia arrives back home at midday, Sebastian has the chance to tell her what happened.  
“Are you a hundred percent sure he was Jim?” she just asks when Sebastian finishes with what he has to say.  
The man sighs desperately. “I’m sure. He looked like Jim, sounded like Jim...-”  
“Well I don’t want you to be offended, but maybe you’ve become a bit obsessed with him?”  
“Marzia!” Sebastian lets out a gasp of misbelief and crosses his arms in desperation. “Are you in his or my side!?”  
“This is not a war, Sebastian” she replies calmly, but slightly starting to get irritated. “This is about you and Jim becoming friends agai-”  
“I don’t want this sick bastard as my friend! He’s got so much ego that can fill whole England!”  
“You’re just upset that he won’t beg you”.  
How the hell can she do that? Read his mind?  
“That would be childish” he replies, calming his tone.  
“Indeed”.  
Sebastian glares at her.  
“Are you trying to say something?” he asks.  
“Who, me? No way”.  
“If you don’t believe me, why don’t you go to his house and ask him yourself?” Seb says after some endless moments of silence.  
“That might be a good idea, actually”.  
“Well then” he raises his hands in surrender. What he actually fears though is that Jim will think that Seb told his fiancé to go by, that he is now begging for him, not vice versa. Why isn’t it vice versa? It’s supposed to be vice versa.  
He just stands up and goes back to the living room, then turns the telly on thinking what is that what Marzia is really going to tell Jim. 

~

Oh, how much he enjoyed it. How much he enjoyed looking at little Sebby’s startled face as he walked out of the cigarette shop. He could almost hold himself not to wrinkle at the disgusting smell in it, not to mention that he threw the pack he bought right when he got home. That week had been really hard for him, since he almost starved himself to get Sebastian’s mercy. He witnessed his small body transforming into a much smaller one and could now see his ribs coming out of his skin in a dangerous level.  
But all this torture and patience was not for nothing, as Sebastian’s face repaid it all. Oh, how funny it was. How funny it is for Jim to play with Sebby’s feelings. But he played with his feelings too. And so it was on.  
Since his suits were now too small for him, Jim is obliged to wear some of his old transformation clothes from the time he didn’t allow himself to eat anything to look weak in front of the strong, in the need of very important cases. Ripped jeans and denims were the basic elements of this new wardrobe, with a tone of plaid shirts and cheap grandpa sweaters. Jim didn’t like any of these at all but just had to wear them, nothing else would fit him, everything was floating on his body. He didn’t eat anything for a week, keeping himself together only by drinking plenty of water and keeping his mind busy with things such as putting his empire back together, rebuilding it. It was hard now that Sebastian wasn’t here to help him, but he still had lots of faithful employees, alive and healthy. So he decided to rely on them instead.  
Ding dong.  
What the fuck? Was that the doorbell?  
Ding dong.  
It’s not supposed to ring. Who knows he’s here?  
Ding dong.  
Cautiously, he picks up the entry phone, eyebrows formed in an inquisitorial stance.  
“…Yes?”  
The other person takes a deep breath. “Is this Jim Moriarty?”  
A woman’s voice, that’s for sure. A little bit familiar to him, a little bit recent.  
Are you looking for Seb? You can’t go up; if he sees you he’ll…  
Shit, it’s her. It’s Sebastian’s new lover.  
“Yes”.  
“Could I please come in? I-I’m Marzia, Sebastian’s fiancé?”  
“Yeah, you don’t need to keep repeating that”.  
He presses the unlocking button really slowly and lets her in out of pure pride; God knows how much he doesn’t want to. He can hear the sound of her heels as she climbs up the stairs and seconds later he can hear her knocking at the door.  
Jim opens it.  
“Hey there” Marzia says.  
“What do you want?”  
“Can I come in?”  
“You’re already in”.  
“I mean inside the apartment”.  
“What do you want?”  
“Are we gonna do this again?”  
“I can do it all day if you want”.  
Marzia sighs. “I need to talk to you about Sebastian”.  
“He sent you, right?”  
“No”.  
Jim reveals himself better by opening the door, and can fully read Marzia’s face at the moment she sees him. He sees some doubt for a second; she doubts if it’s really him. She gets in cautiously, restraining herself a bit and sits on the couch that fitted perfectly him and Seb.  
Jim wants her out of this place.  
“So, Sebastian told me that he saw you this morning?”  
“Oh, he talks about me? How nice of him”.  
“He said you changed a lot” she continues, ignoring his comment. “He would only talk about that since I got home from work. To be quite honest, I didn’t believe him, but now that I see you I have to admit that he’s right. You two met?”  
“That’s none of your fucking business, ‘Sebastian’s fiancé’” he fakes her voice and tone in the last words.  
“Why don’t you want him back in your life again?”  
“Do you even have a single clue about what Seb and I used to be?”  
“Yes, I do, actually. But I’m fine with it. Look, I know Sebastian needs you back-”  
“I have no intention of being Sebastian’s friend”.  
“You have no problem being his lover again though, am I wrong!?”  
“Yes, actually you are wrong. You are very wrong. And that’s why you will get out of here right in this moment”.  
“I didn’t finish-”  
“Goodbye”. Jim stands up with a quick move,  
“I’m sure that Sebastian would-”  
“I said, goodbye”.  
Marzia sighs and stands up, and once she leaves Jim just sits down and stares at the wall like nothing happened, but with a chaos prevailing inside his head, screaming every single swear he knows to Marzia. Why did Sebastian choose her over him? She’s got black circles under her eyes, she’s too skinny, seems too vulnerable. Actually reminds Jim of someone, but he’s not quite sure whom. How come did she make him crazy for her in two years only, when Jim was trying for many more years, as hard as he could? Why did she have to show up? Why hasn’t Jim killed her yet!? Why hasn’t he killed everyone yet!? What is he doing with his life!?  
Jim covers his head with a bunch of pillows. He needs a break. And Marzia out of the way as soon as possible.


	5. Chapter Five

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
What is Sebastian gonna do? Jim will know he is the one who sent Marzia, directly or implicitly. He bets Jim’s laughing at him right now, oh gosh, how could he have been so stupid to let her go!? His knees are shaking in anxiety and he turns on the telly to distract himself just to realize it’s vain, but his waiting lasts only 10 minutes after that because Marzia is finally back.   
Once she gets in she starts saying stuff really quickly, and Seb just catches few things, such as “an asshole” and “stay away from him”. When Marzia finishes her narration, she’s ready to state her opinion.  
“He’s just rude” she says. “I don’t want you anywhere near him. I’ve been kind enough. The guy’s just sick, stay away from him”.  
Sebastian unexpectedly nods. “That’s what I’ve been planning to” he says, his voice sweeter this time. Lie number one. “I just want us to have a nice life. Get married, have kids, who knows? I’m fine as long as I’m with you”.   
Why is he using the same lines he used for Jim? Why doesn’t Marzia’s face inspire him to say something new? Why does he feel like half of his heart still belongs to Jim?”   
“We’re getting married” Marzia says. “I don’t care how, I don’t care why. As soon as possible”.   
Sebastian nods again, more unexpectedly this time. He never could say no to Jim for such an important matter just like he can’t with Marzia this time. 

~

Another two weeks. Another century, in Jim’s mind.   
He’s bored, every day seems endless. Everything in this world is boring. Every single thing.  
At least he’s safe and this kind of matters, he would though prefer being chased for his life every day now that he has nothing to do. Another 4kg lost, by eating a salad every day. More bags under his eyes. He’s growing weaker and weaker day by day. He needs Sebastian more than ever now, but also realizes he doesn’t even think about him. He’s probably getting married soon. With Marzia.   
Oh, how he wishes he hadn’t been a stubborn and selfish dick and had accepted what he was given, a proper friendship with Sebastian. A small chance to get his life back.   
Jim had neither clients nor any of his employees needed him. They did it all alone, that’s how well Jim had taught them. Working automatically, like well programmed robots. Where were the old days, the days with clients? Jim, will you fix it for me, where was that? He missed having people getting their hands dirty instead of him, but that would end now. Two weeks, he couldn’t wait more.   
He grabs his phone and quickly types Morrison’s number, one of his most faithful employees.   
“Kevin Morrison, how can I assist you?”  
“It’s me”.  
Morrison seems to have bit of a trouble recognizing Jim’s weakened voice,  
“Boss!” he says, after some time. “It’s been a long time”.  
“How’s everything going?”  
“Everything works perfectly for us, sir. Is there anything I can do for you?”  
“Yes, there is actually”  
“Sir?”  
“I need to get someone out of the way”.  
“Have they been bad, boss?”  
“Well” Jim replies, “more like a bad wife-to-be”.

~

“So who’s going to be the best man?”  
Sebastian doesn’t know why, but he feels bit of a disorder when Marzia brings that issue back. He always replied with “it’s too early” or “I got a few on my mind, I’ll keep you informed” but the truth is that he has no idea. Which excuse is he going to use now?  
“Like I told you, I got a few on my mind” he just replies, pretending to send a text message.  
“Well tell me at least one so I know where this is going”.  
Sebastian looks at her.  
“And don’t say Jim”.  
“I wasn’t going to say Jim! Why Jim!?”  
“You tell me”.   
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“I saw you going through your old conversations with him”.  
“And that means…?”  
“…that you went through your old conversations with him?”  
“I’m not gonna do this” Sebastian says. “Look, I’m sure Jim is fine where he is and we’re fine here. That does mean neither that I have fully forgiven him nor that I hate him. He’s just an old friend, that’s all. An ex. This is about you and me only”.  
This is one of the rare times Sebastian manages to express his feelings in more than one sentence, and Marzia feels that this conversation is complete so she avoids saying more. She knows her fiancé is somewhere in the middle as to Jim and that’s exactly where she wants him to be. Neither friends, nor enemies. Right in the middle. 

~

Kevin Morrison always tried very hard to please his boss. So when his boss orders him something, it must happen, it’s a rule. What he asked this time, his first request since he came back, was one of the simplest things Morrison could do. Moriarty didn’t like getting his hands dirty, so Kevin would merrily get his for him. Anything for his boss.

~

What a lovely day for a walk, Jim thinks as he sees the rain out of the window. The weather is depressing, just like Jim wants it to be. Everything seems to be perfectly functioning.   
He puts on an oversized leather jacket and takes an umbrella, and once he gets out he takes wet, fresh air in hungrily. He starts walking down the street, smiling for the first time in months, because he finally knows that everything is going to be better. Bad days are almost over.   
Jim doesn’t even walk 500 meters when he hears familiar giggling noises and when he takes a turn he bumps into Sebastian and Marzia.   
“Jim!” Sebastian’s face frowns and lightens up a bit at the same time, or maybe it was like this already, Jim can’t really tell.  
“Hey” he replies, his voice strained. He sees a slight smile forming on Marzia’s face but decides to ignore it.   
“Uhm” Sebastian begins, placing a hand on his jacket’s inner pocket. “I actually wanted to give you this”.  
Jim wrinkles as Sebastian hands him a white envelope made out of parchment and tries not to seem too surprised when he realizes it’s a wedding invitation. His wedding invitation.   
“Thanks?” Jim just says when he gets his voice back.   
“We’d like you to come actually, if you can”. Jim didn’t expect these words to come out of Marzia’s mouth. Maybe she thinks she’ll enjoy watching him being internally tortured at the wedding. Who knows?  
“I’ll try” he responds, bit aggressively.   
“Well then” the other man says. “I guess we’ll better get going”.  
“Yeah”. What’s that feeling on Jim’s stomach? Is he feeling… frustration?  
Too bad you’re not getting married eventually, Sebby dear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the storyline hasn't gone far in the last two chapters but trust me, you'll enjoy the next one ;)


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warning, this chapter contains violence*

One, two, Jim is coming for you.  
Three, four and you live no more.  
When you’re on Jim’s way, the universe says you have no chances to survive. He has proved it many times in the past and is about to prove it many more times in the future. Just one simple phone call and what bothers him is out of the way.   
After Morrison’s reassurance that the plan is about to be put to action that day, Jim feels that this weight is finally off his chest. He just has to wait for Sebastian to come and apologize. Because he will, that’s for sure.   
~   
It was past 10 pm. Morrison was told that at 10pm he’d see a tall, thin girl with black long hair and a suit coming out of the flat at the end of the street. If you don’t catch her, he was told, you’re dead. He hoped that he’d eventually see her because it was too dangerous for anyone to anger their boss.   
Half past ten and he sees a girl who perfectly fits the description coming out of the targeted flat. He makes sure nobody’s around and then starts the car. The only remaining thing is the accident and then it’s over, Moriarty is pleased. She just has to cross the road.   
And so she does. Kevin knows it’s over when he sees her skinny body crashing on the bonnet, blood spattering all over it, and then she falls down on the street without making a sound. So Kevin just turns on the left and continues on his way like nothing happened.  
~  
What was that noise coming from outside?  
Sebastian gets closer to the window and what he sees makes him feel like someone stabs him over and over again, it’s Marzia, his fiancé lying on the street with a big lake of blood next to her, her own blood. What the hell happened? She’s not moving.  
Oh God.  
His legs drag him to the stairs and he almost falls off when he climbs them down because his mind refuses to cooperate. Sebastian gets out, his feet trembling and lets a gasp out when he sees Marzia, kneels in front of her without caring about the blood staining his clothes and searches for her pulse.   
She’s dead. And that’s when Sebastian breaks down.   
He stares at her beautiful, pale face and questions himself how could he let such a precious human being go like this. There’s no fucking point on being angry now, it’s all over, but if he finds that driver then he’s dead. He’s fucking dead.   
There’s silence prevailing and Seb is partially relieved for that because no one is around to see him being weak. So he just spends the next half an hour looking at her, crying and watching life slowly fading out of her. It’s exactly the same like when Jim died. Exactly the same. They’re the same.   
Jim.  
Jim?  
Why every time he thinks of his name is like someone kicked him in the chest?  
Jim!  
Everything is clear on Seb’s mind; Jim is involved with this. Jim wanted this to happen. Jim gave the orders. Jim killed her.  
Sebastian can’t thin properly and he stands up while his visual field turns to red, he is blinded by anger and walks to Jim’s house as fast as he can, fists balled. It’s a long way but once he arrives he kicks the door and it just opens, then slams it close with all of his strength and starts going up the stairs.   
He questions himself for a second, if he should get in right away or have the pleasure of watching Jim open the door and then chocking him with his own hands.   
“Open the fuck up!” The second option seems more seductive. He hears a yawn and the door opens, Jim in his underwear behind it. For one second Sebastian is shocked to clearly see Jim’s bones, but the next one he pushes him inside with all of his strength and the weaker doesn’t resist because he can’t, so he slides all the way to the window and hits his head on its glass. Seb doesn’t care.  
Silence. What the fuck? Did he pass out so easily?  
He frowns, trying to figure out what happened. Did he kill Jim already?  
A slight, childish laughter comes after that.   
Jim tries to stand up, losing his balance a few times, but eventually he does and, no matter how angry Sebastian is, his eyes fall straight on Jim’s legs which seem like toothpicks and he hates himself for a second.   
“She’s dead now, isn’t she” Jim asks playfully.   
The picture of Marzia lying dead on the street comes back to Seb’s mind.  
“You did it” he says, blood pumping through his veins on a dangerous level. “I don’t know which one of them drove the car, but you did it. You told him”.  
“Good job, Sebby” he teases. “But don’t you think it’s time that you realized she was just a whor-”  
Jim feels a cold punch coming on his left cheek before he can finish and falls down but stays there this time.   
“Violence is not gonna help you”.  
He gets a kick on his left rib in response and doesn’t protest or not even groan, he just bears it and looks at Sebastian emotionlessly.   
“That won’t change the fact that she’s a slut”.  
He gets another kick in response.  
“Or a bitch”.  
Another one. Sebastian starts to lose control.  
“You’re a fucking psychopath”.  
“I thought you knew it already when you agreed to marry me”.  
The stronger is out of answers. What can he say next? What can he say to make Jim shut up once and for all? It’s more like do than say.   
So he forces him to stand up by grabbing his arm and starts beating Jim’s hand on the window endlessly, and Jim doesn’t pass out, he just endures the pain Sebastian is causing him and watches him own blood spreading and spreading all over the glass.   
He grimaces in pain and Sebastian understands in what pain he’s in to let it oppose his own will. So he stops.  
Jim falls down letting a groan out and Seb tries to keep it together and not throw him out of the window.  
“Jim?”  
No answer. He’s just lying there, blood still coming out of his head, giving no response.   
“Jim! Fucking stand up like a man and answer me!”  
Oh God. What did he do!? Is it just a game or did Jim really pass out? Or even die!?  
Having no time to think about Marzia, Sebastian takes him in his arms and runs to the hospital, about 2km from there. His well-trained legs, even shaking, manage to get there but once he gets in he just falls down and lets the nurses take Jim. Oh God please, don’t let him die, please, I’ll do anything…  
Another nurse takes him to the bathroom where he washes his shaking hands and then it’s the waiting part. The part where he sits without doing anything, where he makes up loads of theories about if Jim will survive or not and how the nurses are going to announce it.   
At about half an hour, at least Seb estimates so, a man dressed in white comes out of a room and walks towards Sebastian.  
“I assume you’re mr. Moran?”  
“Yes, is he alright?”  
“We like to think he’s gonna make it, but we don’t know for sure. His head has serious injuries. Does he live alone?”  
“Yes”.  
“Well then someone needs to temporary stay with him and assuming that you are the closest person to him then you have to”.  
What the hell?  
“I see”.  
When the doctor leaves, a nurse takes Sebastian to sign the necessary documents, but all he’s thinking about is how the hell he’ll live with Jim. How is this possible again? How is it possible for Seb to act like nothing happened, to live just like they did in the older days? To act like they had nothing in the past, like Jim didn’t kill his fiancé?”  
When later the doctor tells him that Jim is going to live, Sebastian doesn’t know if he feels relief or just another weight on his shoulders.   
He hates his life. He fucking hates it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it ;)


	7. Chapter Seven

“I don’t want you here”.  
These are Jim’s first words as he and Seb arrive to their old house.   
“I don’t want me here either, but I must stay. You’re not well”.  
“Like you care”.  
“Partially”. His tone seems colder and colder after each sentence. Yesterday they called him to tell him that Marzia’s body was found and picked up and that her parents arranged her funeral on Friday, which is in two days.  
Seb looks around the living room and brings back memories about it, his and Jim’s endless fights about the tv remote, Jim shooting the screen every time Seb paid more attention to it. He should be outrageous. He is angry, of course, but in a more peaceful way. He wants to kill Jim, but in the same time he feels like he should protect him. And the worst thing is that Marzia would tell him what to do, but she’s gone. God knows how much he wants to grab Jim’s head and throw him out of the window but he can’t. Doctors are going to check on him every single week and that’s Seb’s fault ‘cause he told them that his wounds were caused by self-abuse. Well done, Seb. You idiot.  
He could only tell that he and Jim were cousins at the hospital, otherwise they wouldn’t let neither him nor Jim leave. Moriarty is the most wanted criminal in England right now and they would without a doubt put the two of them in jail for the rest of their lives. The only good thing with Jim’s anorexia is that he can’t be recognized.   
Jim feels confused about this sudden change. He wants him but at the same time he doesn’t want him there. Isn’t living with Seb again what he wanted? It is, but the atmosphere between them is shit. Sebastian can’t be more distant. Jim too, but that’s normal. It’s about his own pride and dignity.   
So he sees himself locked into his room as the best solution. At least until the storm passes.   
At night, Seb knocks on his door and when Jim opens he finds a disk with some bread and cheese on it. Seb never even knew how to make a simple toast.   
Since his belly is protesting more than ever, he slowly takes it in and closes the door before he puts it on the bed.  
He could hold his tempt for food just to make Sebastian pity him, but now that he is the one to offer him food cannot resist. So he starts eating like a manic, finally being able to enjoy a proper –almost- meal. Thank you, Sebastian. But you still remain a bastard.  
When Seb wakes up the next day, he remains looking at the ceiling, thinking about how complicated his life became since Jim came back. Everything just started to get better and then he suddenly showed up and now everything is shit again. For Christ’s sake. Why wasn’t he there when Seb needed him the most?  
He finally gets up and manages to wash his face at the bathroom. When he goes to the kitchen he finds all the dishes from last night done and some biscuit waffles waiting for him, still warm. Jim made it? He grabs a bite and realizes how much he’d missed Jim’s cooking when he’s not busy, these specific flavours that remind him of him.  
Thank you Jim, but you’re still a bastard.  
“Did you like my waffles?”  
Seb doesn’t get surprised a lot because he’s still used to Jim’s sudden appearances.   
“Err… they were for you? I’m sorry, I had no-”  
“No, no I made them for you. To say thanks”  
Seb smiles slightly.  
“And that I’m sorry”.  
“You remembered it quite early”.  
“You know how hard it is for me to say this word Sebastian, and the fact I actually did say it is more than enough, early or late. And God knows how much I want to beat you up and start shouting right now, but I’m keeping my current temperature because I don’t want us to fight again”.  
Seb manages to understand what this is for Jim so he nods, still keeping a distance. “I understand”.  
“And this stupid thing on my head isn’t fucking helpful in any way” he points at the bloody bandage on his head.   
“I know you don’t think it is but you have to keep it or you’ll die from bleeding”.  
“Death seems like a tempting option at this point”.  
Jim’s words have such a melancholic and depressing tone that Seb stops eating and looks up at him.   
“Don’t say that”.  
“Enjoy your breakfast, Sebastian”.  
Jim leaves the kitchen, God knows where he goes, but somehow manages to make an exit that leaves Seb speechless.   
Why is Jim acting like that!? Isn’t living with him again what he wanted!? Well he got it, now that he killed Marzia. Why does he always have to destroy everything? For one moment Sebastian thinks that it would be actually better if Jim died, that he wouldn’t have him stand on his life any longer, that he could actually start over again.  
At night, Jim is still locked in his room, having no appetite to eat the pizza Sebastian ordered for him. He has his head on his hands, trying to decide if he should take the bandage out or not and drown in his own blood. He bets Seb doesn’t want him in his life anyway.  
So he does it. He takes it off.  
Few minutes later he feels the first drop of blood sliding down to his head and the back of his neck and throws the bandage away to stop the temptation of putting it back. After some time he can finally see the blood on his face, feel it on his hair and taste it as it rolls down his cheeks. And he just sits there, staring at the wall, suddenly starting to feel pain, and he’s afraid. He’s afraid that he will actually die this time.   
After an hour, his hands and clothes and the sheets are full of blood and Jim is in sort of a massive blackout which doesn’t allow him to move. Is this dying? He feels as if his head is about to be ripped in parts. But he somehow tries to manipulate the pain by balling his fists and breathing slower than the usual.   
And it works. Besides from a slight headache, Jim feels nothing else.  
He already starts to feel weak though, God knows how much blood he lost, but he stays there and thinks about Sebastian’s face when he sees him dead. Is he gonna cry, laugh, be angry?   
He hears a knock on the door.   
“Aren’t you gonna come out?”  
He tries to say that he doesn’t want to but his voice is too weak so nothing comes out of it.   
“Jim? Are you there?”  
He hears noises. Seb is trying to open.  
“Jim! Unlock the door!”  
No response.  
“What the hell have you done?”  
“Nothing” he tries to say but can’t. Oh God, he lost so much blood. Why does his head hurt so much?  
The moment he feels he’s about to collapse, Sebastian breaks the door and rushes in the room, shouting Jim’s name multiple times in surprise and puts his hands around his head to keep the blood in. He’s shocked seeing all the blood on the sheets and Jim’s clothes, spreading even quicker to his hands.   
“What the hell have you done!?” he repeats, louder this time as he shakes Jim’s head. He can see tears starting to form on Sebastian’s eyes but he couldn’t care less. He is the one who should be taken care of right now. Everything is about him. Everything.  
“Talk to me!” he demands. Jim neither wants to nor can actually do it so he lets out an aching groan instead.  
Sebastian lets go of him and leaves to call an ambulance. His doubts for Jim and the thought of himself having a new life aren’t on his mind because he knows Jim is more important for him. So he calls for one and then rushes to the bedroom with some rough bandages to stop the bleeding and keep him awake until the ambulance arrives.  
He tries to breathe normally despite his shock and covers Jim’s head with a bandage, the blood filling it so quickly that makes him panic. How come can he have lost so much blood? Does his tiny body even have that much blood?  
The ambulance finally arrives when Seb thinks he can’t hold on much longer and the nurses take Jim away, not letting Sebastian to go with them.  
So he just sits on the bed with the bloody sheets, wondering how one’s life can be so fucked up and if Jim is going to make it or if he’s going to die once again –for real.


End file.
